GRUEL: August 2008

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Monday, August 25, 2008

It's gone. Smashed into 10 shards of useless ceramic.
Sort of like failed relationships past. Sans the ceramic.
Who will clean my nasal passages?
A tissue? Hardly. A finger? Have you seen my fingers? Not likely.
Goodbye friend. I'll always remember how you made me feel.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Crack and crack

This morning I farted and it cracked my back.
Pretty cool huh?

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Pop Warner Football

I was considered "older but lighter" meaning I was too old for the Pee Wees but too light for the Midgets. Or vice-versa (?).
I remember one kid was real scrawny and was too light to play on our team, but we needed to fill out the roster so my coach put weights in his jock strap. Later in life that same kid went on to do steroids.
We were pretty good that year.
Check out my parted red 'fro!

Little League

Ahh the Indians.
Wow what a sad bunch we were.
We came in last place if I remember correctly.

Our coach Mr. Gitch was a mountain of a man but had the voice and mannerisms of Richard Simmons.

8th Grade - Class Artist

I was a shoe-in. I was drawing Cabbage Patch Kids for all the hot girls in school. They would vote for me and influence others in doing so. But alas, the votes came in and I lost to... Glenn Pein. Glenn Pein?!

Maybe it was because he was a twin.
Maybe it was because of his blonde mane.
Damn you GLENN PEIN! Damn you.

Pinewood Derby Winner

When I was in Cub Scouts I won the Pinewood Derby. That's right. First Place in my town. We ended up losing in the state competition because of a false start (fix!), but I was still proud.

Which, now that I think about I shouldn’t have been since my dad and I cheated...

The main rule was no parents could assist you in building your car.
My dad couldn’t resist - he whittled and sanded that block of wood day and night. Eventually he had a mean aerodynamic machine. I did paint the strip on it.

PS - What a shit-bag medal! It's cardboard! With sharpie writing!